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Its all very well encouraging people to ask for feedback but how do you ask for it? Here are a few guidelines to help.
Who to ask?
There is useful feedback to be gained from all levels in your organisation. The best place to start is with people you feel will give you honest feedback, even if a little tentatively at first. Whose opinion do you value? Ask them.
How do you ask for feedback?
It may come as a shock to someone if you just walk up to them and say, what do you think of me then?
Think carefully about positioning your feedback request. If you can, find a private space so you are not overheard or interrupted. Tell the person that you want to know how you are coming across and that you would value their opinion. Let them know that you are interested in being as effective as you can and you need someone to hold up a mirror sometimes. Then arrange a meeting where you can sit and listen to the feedback.
What do you want feedback about?
Asking for just general feedback from someone who is not used to giving feedback is a bit awkward. It is better to help them by being more specific. For instance, how did I come across in the meeting this morning? Or, how did I do in the budget presentation?
When people get used to giving feedback, then they will be able to give you more general feedback.
What do you do with the feedback?
First thank the person for their time and honesty. Tell them you want time to think about what they have said. Never, defend yourself. This will only give the message that you think they are wrong and you reject their feedback. Whatever they think is their opinion.
Having considered the feedback, and perhaps checked to see if a few other people see you the same way, you can decide to act on it. If you find that other people do not see things the same way, then you can just file the feedback as relevant to the one person and bear it in mind when you work with them.
No matter what feedback you receive, you are not obliged to act on it. However, the more feedback you get, the more compelling the data becomes!
How do you change your current behaviour?
Often it is just a case of remembering to alter your behaviour a little. Perhaps, if you have a habit of behaving a certain way, you can ask those who gave you the feedback to remind you. For instance, suppose you tend to avoid eye contact with people when you make a presentation? You can ask someone you trust in the audience to give you feedback after every presentation, or ask them to subtly catch your attention to remind you to make eye contact.
Changing behaviour takes practice. Whatever you are trying to do, recruit some supporters to keep reminding you and get ongoing feedback.
Dealing with your reactions.
Sometimes, feedback hurts. This is a fact of life. However, I cant recall ever dying from the feedback I have had, so be prepared to feel a little hurt sometimes. Try to avoid responding in the moment to criticism. Sometimes people will say things that are unfair, unjust, and plain wrong. This says more about them and their understanding than it does about you.
I remember when I was a young rebel, being asked for feedback on my boss, who I detested. I proudly wrote that his nickname was kipper, because he was two faced and spineless! I think this said a lot about me in those days yet it must have hurt him.
Establish a feedback culture.
Once you start asking people for feedback, they inevitably become interested in what you think about them. If you can remember to really listen to feedback, to ask for examples, and to accept the perception of your behaviour, then others will feel it is safe to ask for feedback. Always keep 1-1 feedback confidential and avoid making it a subject for gossip. Put your ego to one side and demonstrate humility.
Once people have started to give you feedback, offer to give them feedback.
For help with giving feedback see , How good leaders use feedback
Who to ask?
There is useful feedback to be gained from all levels in your organisation. The best place to start is with people you feel will give you honest feedback, even if a little tentatively at first. Whose opinion do you value? Ask them.
How do you ask for feedback?
It may come as a shock to someone if you just walk up to them and say, what do you think of me then?
Think carefully about positioning your feedback request. If you can, find a private space so you are not overheard or interrupted. Tell the person that you want to know how you are coming across and that you would value their opinion. Let them know that you are interested in being as effective as you can and you need someone to hold up a mirror sometimes. Then arrange a meeting where you can sit and listen to the feedback.
What do you want feedback about?
Asking for just general feedback from someone who is not used to giving feedback is a bit awkward. It is better to help them by being more specific. For instance, how did I come across in the meeting this morning? Or, how did I do in the budget presentation?
When people get used to giving feedback, then they will be able to give you more general feedback.
What do you do with the feedback?
First thank the person for their time and honesty. Tell them you want time to think about what they have said. Never, defend yourself. This will only give the message that you think they are wrong and you reject their feedback. Whatever they think is their opinion.
Having considered the feedback, and perhaps checked to see if a few other people see you the same way, you can decide to act on it. If you find that other people do not see things the same way, then you can just file the feedback as relevant to the one person and bear it in mind when you work with them.
No matter what feedback you receive, you are not obliged to act on it. However, the more feedback you get, the more compelling the data becomes!
How do you change your current behaviour?
Often it is just a case of remembering to alter your behaviour a little. Perhaps, if you have a habit of behaving a certain way, you can ask those who gave you the feedback to remind you. For instance, suppose you tend to avoid eye contact with people when you make a presentation? You can ask someone you trust in the audience to give you feedback after every presentation, or ask them to subtly catch your attention to remind you to make eye contact.
Changing behaviour takes practice. Whatever you are trying to do, recruit some supporters to keep reminding you and get ongoing feedback.
Dealing with your reactions.
Sometimes, feedback hurts. This is a fact of life. However, I cant recall ever dying from the feedback I have had, so be prepared to feel a little hurt sometimes. Try to avoid responding in the moment to criticism. Sometimes people will say things that are unfair, unjust, and plain wrong. This says more about them and their understanding than it does about you.
I remember when I was a young rebel, being asked for feedback on my boss, who I detested. I proudly wrote that his nickname was kipper, because he was two faced and spineless! I think this said a lot about me in those days yet it must have hurt him.
Establish a feedback culture.
Once you start asking people for feedback, they inevitably become interested in what you think about them. If you can remember to really listen to feedback, to ask for examples, and to accept the perception of your behaviour, then others will feel it is safe to ask for feedback. Always keep 1-1 feedback confidential and avoid making it a subject for gossip. Put your ego to one side and demonstrate humility.
Once people have started to give you feedback, offer to give them feedback.
For help with giving feedback see , How good leaders use feedback